Have you ever wondered why the hell snow brings out the worst drivers in the world? You either have the a**holes with four wheel drive who go about 60 miles an hour in town or you have the folks who forget there is a gas peddle at all when it snows. Sure makes the drive to work interesting.

I knew I was in trouble when someone cut me off on roads that were not easy to stop on. I let out a bit of a primal grunt and from the back seat I hear....."Son of a Bitch!" WHAT THE...

OK, time for a reflection on how we behave behind the wheel of a car:

1. We are not in charge of the world from behind the wheel.
2. Other people are in just as much of a hurry as we are.
3. Do you think there other people in this world who's minds get preoccupied at times?

4. AND MOST IMPORTANT: I can see you picking your nose!

Life is how you deal with the crap thrown at you

Well, it is as I thought...all is good in our world. My fears after speaking with the bio were unfounded. I knew that in my soul...I really need to learn to trust my inner voice.

Are you able to trust your inner voice? Do you always listen to your intuition? I can almost always hear it...but I have to fight to listen & respect it.

It took three days to get the house in order after Christmas. Our kids were so incredibly spoiled. Most of it not by us....but they enjoyed it immensely. Mostly I realized how blessed we are.

God and his wisdom. Without it I would not survive.

Tonight I received a call from the bio. We haven't had much communication with her lately...just by email. She called to wish the kids a Merry Christmas. It was good to hear from her.

There is one lingering worry though. She was crying after talking to the kids. She has not done that before that I can recall. We are five years into this journey so it surprises me. I suppose she might be drinking or using again. I suppose she may not be taking her medication.

Of course the reality of it all is that she misses the children she gave up. She is such a brave woman to be able to say, "I can't do it". "I love my children enough to do what is best for them". It takes incredible strength to do that. I know I couldn't do it.

We do tell our children about her strength and bravery. We tell them about her decision and how they must always love & respect what she was able to do for them.

Still because they are not "adopted" and therefore not legally ours. There is always a fear in the very back of our minds & hearts. There is always a fear in the back of the kids minds & hearts that something will happen to shatter our perfect life.

I know better. She and I are connected. We have been all along.

Welcome

Welcome!

Welcome to the first entry of what the... This will be a mixture of what is going on in life. My innermost thoughts, fears, rantings, worries...

I am a mother of three children. They are not my biological children. They are not adopted. They are children who started as foster children five years ago. We were supposed to adopt them, but there were problems along the way & instead the case was dismisseed. We are raising this children as our own with the blessing of their biological mother. It has been a strange and interesting journey. One of pain, laughter, fear & joy.

I work full time for an orthopedic surgeon. He is very busy, which means...I am very busy. They have talked to me about taking a promotion of sorts. Being the lead nurse in an office that resists leadership like the plague. We've not made a final decision on that. What I can tell you is that the money would be great...the bullshit...I'm not so sure.

My parents divorced just before I was to marry eight years ago. They have both remarried (my dad twice). My mom & her husband live here. My dad and his wife live in Colorado. My brother and his family live in California.

That is a brief overview. It is daily that I ask the question...WHAT THE...?!?!